Episode 49

Why get sober with Michelle Smith

**Grab my new favorite DRINK by RENUDE the Chagacino. OH my goodness you will want to buy a pack or two. It’s chocolatey CHAGA mushroom goodness. 750mg of CHAGA in each sachet. USE my discount code {MINDFUL} with this link.

**If you’re really into caffeine and are tired of the jitters when drink coffee, grab my friend, Jack’s EveryDayDose.com coffee, that is infused with Lion’s Mane, CHAGA and Collagen, OMG Delicious. Use the coupon code LANE5 for a $5.00 discount, every dollar matters these days!

Ready to live in your best body? Let’s dig into your DNA. Schedule a consultation today!

Are your Nerves on end and want to try something different? Grab my new bestie, the ApolloNeuro band. Use this link for 10% off your purchase! Um yes to that!

Want to be a guest on the show?

Indulge in The Calm Life Recovery Session {think mini-coaching session}!






This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy
Transcript
Speaker:

Okay, this is going to be a really good conversation.

Speaker:

I think we're going to go deep a little bit.

Speaker:

I think there's some similarities and I know you have a lot to share, right?

Speaker:

Oh yeah.

Speaker:

Always.

Speaker:

Okay.

lane:

Welcome back, mama.

lane:

So glad that you're with us and enjoying the show today.

lane:

I am here with a.

lane:

Beautiful woman coming in from Washington.

lane:

She is the.

lane:

Founder of, yeah.

lane:

Recovery is the new black.

lane:

She is a mother of two, a boy and a girl.

lane:

She is five years clean and sober.

lane:

So she's got some, a good amount of time and experience.

lane:

She works in the field of addiction.

lane:

Yes.

lane:

It's just hang on tight for this conversation.

lane:

I think we're going to go deep, Michelle.

lane:

Welcome to the.

lane:

Thank you so much for having me.

lane:

I found you about maybe three years ago, three years ago.

lane:

Yeah.

lane:

And I I've just watched you kind of blossom and build yourself

lane:

through your experience.

lane:

You're, I think you're one of the, the sober Instagrammers, but it's

lane:

really been incredible for me to watch.

lane:

This section of sobriety come alive.

lane:

And you're one of the first people that I saw exploring this online element.

lane:

How has that been for you?

lane:

Maybe it tells me about it.

lane:

It took my sobriety to the next level.

Michelle:

You know, I really kept it under wraps and quiet for the first solid year

Michelle:

just to get my footing and to confirm to myself and to the people in my life.

Michelle:

But this was for the longest.

Michelle:

And I was so fearful of failing.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

And, and really had to shift my mindset into that.

Michelle:

There's nothing, there's no failure here.

Michelle:

You know, there is failing forward.

Michelle:

There is picking up lessons, but I only fail if I quit or if I just don't try.

Michelle:

And so after the first year I was like, okay, so this is becoming a thing for me.

Michelle:

And this is a lifelong journey.

Michelle:

And I know I can't be the only one struggling.

Michelle:

So by the time I like started putting out little bits and pieces.

Michelle:

The message has started rolling in and the comments and the me too

Michelle:

was, and the w where did you start?

Michelle:

And how do I do this?

Michelle:

And you're an inspiration and it just kind of snowballed from there, but, you

Michelle:

know, I really want it to be that voice for women who hadn't found theirs yet,

Michelle:

or weren't ready to use theirs yet to let them know that they are so far from.

Michelle:

That's one of the things I love so much about this online sobriety is that we are

Michelle:

able to reach so many more ladies, so many more mothers, so many more people who are

Michelle:

struggling quietly in their houses alone.

Michelle:

When let's go back, let's go back for a minute.

Michelle:

Cause I want to hear this.

Michelle:

What kind of drinker are you or what kind of, what's your drug of choice or

Michelle:

what are you, you know, it's, it's funny that you say that because towards the

Michelle:

end, I would have said, what do you got?

Michelle:

You know,

Michelle:

what do you have?

Michelle:

You know, I'll take whatever.

Michelle:

But before it would have been top shelf, top shelf, You know, really

Michelle:

good wine, really good, you know, top shelf alcohol, the whole Cosmo sex in

Michelle:

the city, kind of glitz and glamor, like to say of socialized drinking.

Michelle:

That's where I started.

Michelle:

And that was my hope to remain in that place, which ended up being

Michelle:

grocery stores, gas station stops, chugging hiding all the things.

lane:

Your kids are nine and 12.

lane:

So your kids saw you drinking and using, they did it,

Michelle:

especially my older one, my younger one only remembers a few things.

Michelle:

Clearly the bad things.

Michelle:

So yes, they did get to experience some of that.

lane:

Were they a part of you or that decision making process of putting down.

Michelle:

Absolutely.

Michelle:

Absolutely.

Michelle:

It was one of those things that it was always coming back to them and

Michelle:

it's like, I love them the most.

Michelle:

And you think that I'd want to put it down for them.

Michelle:

And I still loved my alcohol and drugs, you know, and clearly it

Michelle:

was like, I loved, I loved it more.

Michelle:

And that would tear it, my heart strings, because I'm like, I waited

Michelle:

so long for this day, these human beings, I brought into this earth

Michelle:

and I love them unconditionally.

Michelle:

And there's this other thing that I love just as much or a little

Michelle:

bit more and it broke my heart.

Michelle:

And so it kept bringing me back to my.

Michelle:

Why I'm doing this and my sobriety journey.

Michelle:

And, you know, at the end of the day, I, it couldn't keep me sober,

Michelle:

but it was my motivation to show up.

Michelle:

And I think the thing that really stuck out for me is that I lost my parents.

Michelle:

And so I know what it's like to not have a model.

Michelle:

Or dad, and I was doing that same thing to my children and I, I felt the pain.

Michelle:

I knew what that was like.

Michelle:

And so every time that I would find myself relaxing, I would bring myself

Michelle:

back and find the strength within my own story to know that I can change

Michelle:

the outcome and the trajectory of what their childhood looks like.

lane:

Yeah.

lane:

I think about that all the time.

lane:

Like stopping addiction.

lane:

And the family dynamic and the change that it makes, and it not only changes,

lane:

you know, my son or your son and your daughter, but then it also affects

lane:

the people that they touch their relationships in school with their

lane:

teachers, how they interact in the world.

lane:

And it's so it's so powerful to think about when we stopped

lane:

drinking the domino effect.

lane:

Yes, you don't realize it.

lane:

I think, you know, this is not a spectator sport.

lane:

Everyone involved has to play whether or not they're educated.

lane:

They want to, where they liked.

lane:

Yeah.

lane:

It's, it's, it's amazing to me.

lane:

It's amazing that you had that.

lane:

Like, I love them, but I'm still drinking, right.

lane:

That, that fight.

lane:

And then you just, that you just put it down.

lane:

Did you have an intervention?

lane:

What was your come to Jesus moment?

Michelle:

You know, there are so many, so many.

Michelle:

And, you know, it's conversations with my husband.

Michelle:

It was not 1, 2, 3, but for hospital stays for fatal alcohol poisoning.

Michelle:

You know, you think that that would be the moment I'd surrender went to inpatient

Michelle:

treatment that was supposed to work.

Michelle:

If that doesn't work, what happens then I relapsed 30 days after.

Michelle:

And you know, honestly it did come back to.

Michelle:

I can't do this to my kids.

Michelle:

And it was that last hospital stay that I had and second child

Michelle:

protective services investigation.

Michelle:

And I just said, you know, it's like, you just keep going until

Michelle:

that moment or that miracle.

Michelle:

And it was just that moment in the hospital.

Michelle:

I just surrendered.

Michelle:

I just, I, I, I had this mindset shift that I am a person who can't

Michelle:

drink normally, and that left endless possibilities of things that I could do.

Michelle:

And I got off the hamster wheel.

Michelle:

It was too exhausting.

Michelle:

And I just had to say to myself, I am person who can't drink and I am

Michelle:

going to learn to be okay with that.

Michelle:

And my whole world just changed.

Michelle:

You know, I saw all these relapses because I keep record of my sobriety

Michelle:

dates and I always just saw a failure.

Michelle:

And when I started looking at that, as I'm a person who doesn't give

Michelle:

up, that's what this is about.

Michelle:

And if I keep going, I know I'm going to be successful.

Michelle:

And so the length of sobriety that I would maintain, I would see

Michelle:

successes because I was putting distance between me and my thing.

Michelle:

And it was showing me I can have.

Michelle:

I can still keep friendships.

Michelle:

I'm starting to build confidence.

Michelle:

My face is starting to look clear.

Michelle:

I'm not missing work anymore.

Michelle:

And so all the beautiful gifts of sobriety started to unfold, which really kept

Michelle:

me motivated to keep moving forward.

Michelle:

I love that you bring up this, excuse me, this concept of

Michelle:

picking up after you stop and.

Michelle:

Often, so many people just give up so many women they give

Michelle:

up and they don't keep going.

Michelle:

I didn't know when I got sober, I didn't know that you could relapse.

Michelle:

I didn't know that that was an option nobody ever said or

Michelle:

showed me that that could happen.

Michelle:

And so when I stopped, I just stopped.

Michelle:

And then about, I think it was like six months into my journey.

Michelle:

The girl that I was kind of running with, you know, she drank again.

Michelle:

And I was like, oh my God, which has happened.

Michelle:

Like, I didn't even, I had no concept of it.

Michelle:

And then she never came back, you know?

Michelle:

And I, and I remember a woman saying, you know, we're not

Michelle:

in control of this disease.

Michelle:

You need to stay.

Michelle:

And that.

Michelle:

Hit me like a ton of bricks, but I love when I meet people that have

Michelle:

these stories of staying, regardless that it's like a muscle, like it's,

Michelle:

I'm going to, I'm going to come back.

Michelle:

I'm gonna, I'm going to try it again.

Michelle:

I'm going to be a part of the solution.

Michelle:

I'm going to change my family.

Michelle:

I'm going to be a different mother.

Michelle:

I, I just, I love and thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sure that

Michelle:

a lot of mothers can relate to that, especially right now in this pandemic.

Michelle:

Holy but Jesus it's, I mean, we're living through a time that

Michelle:

we just have never lived through.

Michelle:

Have you seen an increase in the work that you do with.

Michelle:

And alcohol and drug abuse and use absolutely the highest

Michelle:

levels I've ever seen in my area.

Michelle:

And I know it's true.

Michelle:

Nationally is detox treatment programs, residential programs,

Michelle:

hospitals, and our crisis line.

Michelle:

Everything is so inundated the behavioral health system it's, you know, and a

Michelle:

lot of it is alcohol use disorder.

Michelle:

A lot of it, you know, and I know that that's an, it's an accessible

Michelle:

thing and it's convenient and no one's gonna bat an eye.

Michelle:

And so.

Michelle:

It has been really hard.

Michelle:

You know, it's already really hard.

Michelle:

There's so many barriers to trying to get support.

Michelle:

You know, it's like, you know, insurance denials and people don't have the

Michelle:

financial freedom or the, the means to be able to get the treatment that they need.

Michelle:

And that has already been a huge thing for, for a really long time.

Michelle:

And then to add on this and a shortage.

Michelle:

When people are ready, you want to capture them right when they're right where

Michelle:

they're at and just say, okay, let's go.

Michelle:

Let's do this.

Michelle:

You know, that's how usually inpatient treatment works.

Michelle:

It's like, you don't have time to pack bags.

Michelle:

Let's just go.

Michelle:

If you say yes, that means.

Michelle:

We're going.

Michelle:

And so it's, it has just been, it's been a beautiful thing to see a lot of new

Michelle:

programs and resources and treatment options open up for people in lieu

Michelle:

of how hard it is to get into some of the traditional programs and even my

Michelle:

home group and some of the 12 steps.

Michelle:

It's just, it's been beautiful to see so many newcomers coming through and coming

Michelle:

back, which has been really, really.

Michelle:

You just brought up this really fascinating, interesting idea of all these

Michelle:

new programs, all these new pathways, all these new ways that we can find recovery.

Michelle:

I'm like blown away.

Michelle:

Because when, again, I just, my experience is it, it was one way.

Michelle:

Or you're not surviving.

Michelle:

And so to see what is it, sober, SIS curious, AAF, the sober girl all

Michelle:

of these, the luckiest CLA like all of these groups coming together to

Michelle:

really promote the sober lifestyle.

Michelle:

Yup.

Michelle:

It's a lifestyle that is worth living and can be done.

Michelle:

Absolutely.

Michelle:

So when are you are you encouraging people to find these other resources

Michelle:

or are you very traditional?

Michelle:

Both.

Michelle:

Honestly, it depends on the woman and where she is.

Michelle:

You know, I, I speak a lot about there's the whole, now that it's becoming more, I

Michelle:

don't even want to say trendy or popular.

Michelle:

It's becoming more safe.

Michelle:

More people are feeling comfortable to say, I think I

Michelle:

might have a problem with alcohol.

Michelle:

So you have this sober, curious people who don't have to wait to hit this spectrum of

Michelle:

rock bottom, blackout alcoholism like me.

Michelle:

Right?

Michelle:

It's like I kept myself.

Michelle:

So.

Michelle:

Hidden and in secrecy that it kept me sick where I didn't think that

Michelle:

there was anything or know of anything available to me until I got bad enough.

Michelle:

And eventually with a progressive disease, you, I got bad enough where at

Michelle:

first, when I walked into the rooms, I.

Michelle:

Find the similarities.

Michelle:

Cause I was too focused on the differences because I'm not going to become bad.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

I'm so much better.

Michelle:

I'm going to beat the system and I'm going to find a way to moderate

Michelle:

and I'm going to be able to regulate my drinking like I did before.

Michelle:

Well, that didn't work.

Michelle:

And so, you know, I really feel that this new movement is allowing

Michelle:

people the opportunity to stop.

Michelle:

And really take an honest look at where ever they're at with their

Michelle:

problematic drinking or recreational using and to say, is this adding value?

Michelle:

Is this making me feel better?

Michelle:

Is it costing me more than it's providing me and getting curious about

Michelle:

that before you have to get to this place of complete dependence and you

Michelle:

know, you need to stop, but you can't.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

Like you you're so far in that you feel like you're almost drowning.

Michelle:

Like it's this quick sand of, I know that this is not adding value, but I

Michelle:

am so chemically dependent and I've lost so much that I feel like I might

Michelle:

as well just keep going at this point.

Michelle:

So for me, it's like meeting them where they're at and if they're.

Michelle:

Open to the idea of a program or 12 step program.

Michelle:

Great.

Michelle:

Here's some options if you're not there and you're this, I

Michelle:

don't know what I want to do yet.

Michelle:

I'm going to give you some podcasts.

Michelle:

I'm going to give you a book to read.

Michelle:

I'm going to give you some groups to be a fly on the wall.

Michelle:

And you get to see for yourself that you're not alone and that we

Michelle:

are normal human beings that are professionals that look just like

Michelle:

the average person in our community.

Michelle:

And they can make their decision.

Michelle:

So I'm very much client centered or, you know, sober sister centered.

Michelle:

You let me know what you're like, what you're not wanting, what

Michelle:

your rejections and barriers are.

Michelle:

If you're completely open, I'm going to give you a smorgasbord of ideas

Michelle:

and you decide patchwork to recovery.

Michelle:

You know, if you want to do something traditional, great.

Michelle:

If you want to try a different route.

Michelle:

Great.

Michelle:

You know, it's refreshing to hear this.

Michelle:

I'm very tradition.

Michelle:

I got sober a long time ago.

Michelle:

And so when I hear this kind of new conversation come about, it just,

Michelle:

it warms my heart because for so long, I struggled with staying in the

Michelle:

closet, so to speak about recovery, because recovery is so magical and

Michelle:

as a part of a 12 step community, Sometimes I struggle with it being

Michelle:

a disservice to so many people.

Michelle:

And that's one of the reasons why I kind of came out of the closet, so to speak.

Michelle:

And I do the work that I do now on a larger scale, and to have so many people

Michelle:

sharing about this life of recovery is.

Michelle:

It just fills my heart.

Michelle:

Like nothing else.

Michelle:

It brings me so much joy and there's no what's the word I want to use?

Michelle:

There's no, like that's better or the way that they're doing it is great.

Michelle:

There's a sense of community within all of us.

Michelle:

I have felt except for one person, which I will not name.

Michelle:

They kind of bash others, but for the most part, I feel like we are all really

Michelle:

about what's going to work for you.

Michelle:

Like what you just said and it's, it just makes me so happy.

Michelle:

And then again, I just, I keep going back to the community and the

Michelle:

friendliness, because it's not, it's not that we're up against each other.

Michelle:

We're up against big alcohol.

Michelle:

We're up against the messaging that is killing people.

Michelle:

Do you know chase the bass Brock?

Michelle:

He's a retired.

Michelle:

Yeah.

Michelle:

He just did an episode on fentanyl.

Michelle:

Oh, oh, it just like, it sent chills through me, you know,

Michelle:

because fentanyl is this.

Michelle:

No, like people don't even know about it, but the media says, you know, get your

Michelle:

Narcan, get your strips to check fentanyl.

Michelle:

But it's like, why don't we say, why don't you check out recovery?

Michelle:

You know, like, why don't we go towards recovery?

Michelle:

So with you, what is your message around recovery?

Michelle:

That it is a lifelong.

Michelle:

That, you know, a lot of people think that they can quickly get sober and that

Michelle:

they're magically going to be better.

Michelle:

Like, it's this magical unicorn thing.

Michelle:

And it's like, you can take away the bottle, but you need to do

Michelle:

the work and you might be sober, but you're not in recovery.

Michelle:

You know?

Michelle:

And I think that it's a great example of like the pandemic of, you know,

Michelle:

it was high, highly like desirable to start drinking or to drink excessively.

Michelle:

And it was a great time for some people to say, I want to try out sobriety

Michelle:

because I'm not going to be peer pressured or I'm not going to have to make up

Michelle:

an excuse for why I'm not drinking.

Michelle:

Well, people like you and I who have, are in recovery and working some

Michelle:

type of program, it was, it was hard.

Michelle:

It was hard to, and it was hard in a different way because.

Michelle:

My home group.

Michelle:

Wasn't open my therapist.

Michelle:

Wasn't open my gym.

Michelle:

Wasn't open.

Michelle:

I couldn't see my friends in my recovery circle and network.

Michelle:

So things were really shaken up for me.

Michelle:

And I didn't even think about that.

Michelle:

You know, it's like, well, you're been in, you've been in recovery.

Michelle:

You you're solid.

Michelle:

No, I have 24, just like everybody else does every single morning.

Michelle:

And I have to work hard to maintain that too.

Michelle:

And so it's, it's very.

Michelle:

It's very desirable that my addiction is just like, things are different.

Michelle:

It's going to be different.

Michelle:

Just try it.

Michelle:

It's been five years.

Michelle:

No, I have the choice to say no.

Michelle:

Other than that, I give over my choice and my power to alcohol and to other things

Michelle:

I've been down that road too many times.

Michelle:

And so it's, you know, I have to remember that this is, it's not a death sentence.

Michelle:

I get to wake up every morning and see the sunrise and enjoy a cup of coffee.

Michelle:

But that is a beauty.

Michelle:

And I think that some people just get so baffled when I say that, because

Michelle:

they didn't hit an all-time low.

Michelle:

They don't understand when they're an earliest sobriety.

Michelle:

I don't get these gifts.

Michelle:

I don't get why you think it's that exciting to wake up and enjoy coffee.

Michelle:

We'll try, try living the life that I had and you don't wake up till noon.

Michelle:

And your husband's upset with you.

Michelle:

Your kids are not talking to you.

Michelle:

You are barfing laying in your own barf.

Michelle:

It's pretty cool to wake up with no regret and no shame and have

Michelle:

your husband be proud of you and love you and fall in love with you.

Michelle:

Again, that's pretty incredible.

Michelle:

So, you know, that would be my, my way of really defining that is that,

Michelle:

you know, you, it, and you can't look at early sobriety and it's, it's not

Michelle:

even a comparison with what longterm recovery is going to look like.

Michelle:

And that's what kept me relapsing was I'm like, I don't want any part of this.

Michelle:

This is hard work.

Michelle:

My friends won't talk to me.

Michelle:

You know, I feel sick and I don't want to have to identify myself as anything.

Michelle:

And I just kept on the hamster wheel and so grateful to be off of it.

Michelle:

Yeah.

Michelle:

You mentioned, I just want to jump into your relationship.

Michelle:

Because I think relationships, the longer that we're sober, the more challenging

Michelle:

they become, because we've began to find who we find out who we are truly.

Michelle:

And a lot of times relationships crumble as a result of that.

Michelle:

And I just heard you say your honey fell in love with you again, that's so magical.

Michelle:

Amazing.

Michelle:

Okay.

Michelle:

And yeah, it's such a, it's hard as well or no, now.

Michelle:

Yes, now.

Michelle:

Yes.

Michelle:

Yup.

Michelle:

The first three years was my thing and he was going to support me.

Michelle:

And so we had boundaries and rules and all of that and never a big drinker at all.

Michelle:

So May of two years ago.

Michelle:

So he is, Jay's almost two and a half years and just decided

Michelle:

that he didn't need it either.

Michelle:

It was not adding value to his life and he wanted to continue

Michelle:

to level up and support me.

Michelle:

And it's, it's great.

Michelle:

That's really nice to hear.

Michelle:

That's really, it's hopeful to hear, cause that's not always how it is.

Michelle:

It's not.

Michelle:

Yeah.

Michelle:

In my early recovery, I thought I was with somebody and I was

Michelle:

going to be with them for the rest of my life, five years into it.

Michelle:

We crashed and burned.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

And then I was single for many, many, many years.

Michelle:

And then I found another one, oh, this is it.

Michelle:

You know, and crash and burn.

Michelle:

And I think the relationships that we have in sobriety are

Michelle:

so rich and vulnerable and real.

Michelle:

How are you relationships changed with your kids?

Michelle:

Well, relationships in general have so much more substance it's.

Michelle:

We actually have meaningful conversations even with.

Michelle:

You know, it's not, I'm, I'm goofy and I'm, you know, intoxicated

Michelle:

and let's just do random things that I would never do sober.

Michelle:

It's like we have real authentic conversations and they're

Michelle:

my biggest cheerleaders.

Michelle:

They are just proud of their sober mama and they tell

Michelle:

everybody that I am a sober mom.

Michelle:

And so it's super cute.

Michelle:

And so we're kind of like I had to reel them in a little bit lately

Michelle:

because if their parents not sober, they're like, well, that's not right.

Michelle:

And I'm like, whoa.

Michelle:

So they had to do a little bit more education about, you know,

Michelle:

but it is, it is okay for a lot of people and not everybody has a

Michelle:

problematic relationship with it.

Michelle:

And so we just need to be respectful, but these are the things to look out

Michelle:

for in order to make sure that your safe but yeah, conversations, you

Michelle:

know, like my 12 year old, just middles.

Michelle:

The pandemic.

Michelle:

If I wouldn't have been, if I'm not sober, I wouldn't be present and a

Michelle:

safe place for them to land to have really honest, authentic conversations.

Michelle:

This is bone.

Michelle:

This is like their most vulnerable time.

Michelle:

I need to be here to just listen and I don't have to fix it, but I can validate

Michelle:

them and I can empathize with them.

Michelle:

They just want me to be present and they deserve that.

Michelle:

And our relationships have grown tremendously with.

Michelle:

Honesty and vulnerability.

Michelle:

And I get to sprinkle in these little messages of hope that someday they

Michelle:

will realize the impact that this had.

Michelle:

And I get to share more of my story when they start to explore with any

Michelle:

type of recreational drug or alcohol that they're going to make their

Michelle:

own story and their own journey.

Michelle:

But I want them to know where I've been.

Michelle:

And that I am going to, I'm living a life that I'm not going to say don't

Michelle:

drink and drive and then go do it.

Michelle:

You know, I am showing them sobriety and I am showing them the

Michelle:

perfect example of how I hope that they continue to live that life.

Michelle:

And if they explore, that's fine, but I, I, I am going to keep this

Michelle:

conversation open about all types of mental health, substance abuse, you know?

Michelle:

Because they're important conversations to have.

Michelle:

So I'm so grateful that I'm sober to be able to have them and guide them.

Michelle:

And truly be honest with my integrity, knowing that I'm not just saying, and

Michelle:

then doing the opposite and they see that.

Michelle:

And during this pandemic, you know, with that amount of time

Michelle:

that you have, you mentioned that it's become more challenging.

Michelle:

Yes.

Michelle:

And so through this time, what have you had to do to find that

Michelle:

piece that you would typically find with your girlfriends or when you

Michelle:

would jump into your home group?

Michelle:

Yes.

Michelle:

Great question.

Michelle:

A lot of different things.

Michelle:

One big piece that was helpful in regards to establishing, you know,

Michelle:

that kind of home group feel was virtually getting onto the meter.

Michelle:

That was really helpful of, you know, not having that in person connection,

Michelle:

which is not replaceable, but.

Michelle:

Finding other ways to still connect with my sober community.

Michelle:

So doing my hung groups virtually starting up the sober mom squad of

Michelle:

finding these moms who were struggling with work sobriety, homeschool,

Michelle:

pandemic, children, all of the things, and really diving into service work.

Michelle:

I did a lot of outreach.

Michelle:

I did a lot of crisis hotline work that was that piece of it.

Michelle:

And we're only working on the perfectionism and the people pleasing

Michelle:

that really provided me some buffer to not have to have my house ready

Michelle:

cause no one was coming over.

Michelle:

So that gave me more time to declutter.

Michelle:

It gave me more time to be authentic with my kids and to just build

Michelle:

forts, make root beer, floats, build Legos and not have to put them away.

Michelle:

You know, it gave me so much more.

Michelle:

Me back and really establishing.

Michelle:

I kind of felt like I was getting time back with them that I had lost by not

Michelle:

being physically or emotionally present for those years I was drinking and

Michelle:

nothing will ever replace that, but it did allow me to slow down and get back.

Michelle:

Some of those really important family traditions.

Michelle:

Outside, you know, I, with nature, we have seven acres and

Michelle:

it was just, I didn't do that.

Michelle:

So that was like very healing for me to sit out with my, a book on my hammock

Michelle:

and just sit there and just be still with myself instead of trying to drink

Michelle:

away the noise and the chatter and.

Michelle:

Just sit with it.

Michelle:

It's not going to hurt me.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

It just, it comes in, it goes, it, it feels awful.

Michelle:

And it feels like it's going to last forever.

Michelle:

And then it's like, oh, distraction, there goes a bird or a plane or that thought.

Michelle:

And I just kept going, you know, it's just, you fill your

Michelle:

mind with other things that.

Michelle:

Instead of just saying, I don't have access to this, and

Michelle:

this is the worst thing ever.

Michelle:

Okay.

Michelle:

This is a place and a life.

Michelle:

And if a season of life right now that is very unfamiliar

Michelle:

during this whole pandemic.

Michelle:

So where can I find familiarity?

Michelle:

If I feel uneasy, where can I find ease and the stability of my family and

Michelle:

my sobriety and my partner, my higher power am my sober sister community.

Michelle:

I can't play martyr and I can't play victim.

Michelle:

Serve me and it doesn't support my sobriety and my long-term recovery.

Michelle:

So I really have to challenge that negative thoughts.

Michelle:

I have to challenge that martyr what it strikes because it does,

Michelle:

I have to be ready to attack it's there waiting, always, always there.

Michelle:

Waiting.

Michelle:

What is your spiritual practice?

Michelle:

I, I do a lot of different things actually.

Michelle:

I go to church, I'm a Catholic, so I do that piece.

Michelle:

And you know, I'm working actually with a spiritual coach right now,

Michelle:

trying to find just more high vibes and frequency of being true

Michelle:

to me and showing up as truly me.

Michelle:

And not who the world tells me that I'm supposed to be, or my mom's voice

Michelle:

telling me who I'm supposed to be.

Michelle:

I've gotten back into yoga so many little, like, kind of like my recovery,

Michelle:

it's like little bits and pieces of what makes me, me, and really just

Michelle:

re-inventing who that supposed to be.

Michelle:

Like, because I was told, you know, growing up, this is

Michelle:

what you're supposed to do.

Michelle:

And these are your core beliefs.

Michelle:

And I get to kind of challenge some of that, but is that

Michelle:

really where I want to be?

Michelle:

Is that really where I'm at in my life right now?

Michelle:

And just exploring different, different ways, seeing what works

Michelle:

and if it doesn't work, keep going, going, keep trying new things.

Michelle:

That's really great.

Michelle:

And that's the beauty of recovery is that you get to just try and taste and test and

Michelle:

move about as long as you don't pick up.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

You just, you can continue the search and seek what's on your nightstand, right?

Michelle:

Ooh, atomic habits for the second time.

Michelle:

Love that book.

Michelle:

And then what else is, I don't think I have anything else on my nightstand.

Michelle:

I'm rearranging my office, so my big books up there.

Michelle:

I do need to reread that again, but yeah, the atomic habits

Michelle:

is what's on there right now.

Michelle:

And what do you do for fun?

Michelle:

Ooh, good question.

Michelle:

Service, work, service work.

Michelle:

I do find it fun.

Michelle:

What is fun about it?

Michelle:

Like what, what's the element of fun that you find?

Michelle:

Because see, for me for fun, I'm like thinking about riding bicycles

Michelle:

and, you know, letting balloons go on both of those, which is so funny.

Michelle:

I just lost a whole bunch of balloons that I'd gotten at party city and

Michelle:

I was running my son's birthday.

Michelle:

So I.

Michelle:

Called crying, asking if they'd redo them because they're so

Michelle:

expensive, but service work is fun.

Michelle:

What's fun about that is just seeing somebody light their eyes light up.

Michelle:

Just like you care.

Michelle:

You, you struggle.

Michelle:

Like I can get better.

Michelle:

Like thank you for this meal.

Michelle:

Thank you for this narc hand.

Michelle:

Thank you for just listening to my story without judgment.

Michelle:

Like that is just powerful, but it can't be what only fills me up.

Michelle:

And so by.

Michelle:

My kids started go-karting, which is awesome to watch it.

Michelle:

That's also terrifying at the same time.

Michelle:

I'm a gardener.

Michelle:

I love to cook sobriety has given me back that ability to keep my hands busy,

Michelle:

make something, we harvest it from our garden, watch it from scratch all the way

Michelle:

to our dinner table, which is amazing.

Michelle:

I got a sober companion as a buddy, I got my first puppy.

Michelle:

I've never had an animal in my entire life.

Michelle:

And I'm telling you, I don't know why I waited so long.

Michelle:

Best thing for sobriety.

Michelle:

Depression can hang and chip.

Michelle:

Wow, amazing.

Michelle:

So, you know, I'm a sports mom.

Michelle:

I'm always there, but I just, I I'm always learning.

Michelle:

I'll always be a student and I'm guided.

Michelle:

The wisdom of my elders and I don't have to be a lot older, but it's just

Michelle:

like, it's such a humbling thing to know that they've been through life.

Michelle:

And just to really listen.

Michelle:

And absorb digest and try to implement some of these practices that people,

Michelle:

women that have gone before me.

Michelle:

It's incredible.

Michelle:

You know, you think, you know, everything just like our kids are like, you

Michelle:

don't know anything, like, you know, you haven't been 12 at a pandemic and

Michelle:

it's just like, okay, you're right.

Michelle:

I haven't, I haven't, but I've experienced what it's like to lose friendships and to

Michelle:

feel bullied and to not feel worthy and.

Michelle:

You know, these filters and all those things that there are these

Michelle:

days that we have to talk about.

Michelle:

But anything and everything I can find joy in.

Michelle:

I just swam with the dolphins, which was a huge thing for me.

Michelle:

I'm going to be jumping out of a plane, crazy.

Michelle:

Just things that I've always wanted to do, but could never do because I wasn't sober.

Michelle:

It was unsafe.

Michelle:

So just wild, fun, exciting things, outdoors, really like.

Michelle:

Being outdoors.

Michelle:

So yeah, really great for the spirit.

Michelle:

Great.

Michelle:

For the mind recalculates the brain, amazing Michelle,

Michelle:

where can our guests find you?

Michelle:

And the amazing work that you are doing, your sobriety is so rich.

Michelle:

And I just, I could talk all day because you have so much going on.

Michelle:

But we are at that time.

Michelle:

So where can they find.

Michelle:

I, my website is recovery.

Michelle:

Is the Nicholas.

Michelle:

You can find me on Facebook, recoveries, new black, which I have a private

Michelle:

Facebook group for women only, too.

Michelle:

So if you're curious and active recovery contemplating, it's a

Michelle:

safe, amazing group of women.

Michelle:

I absolutely love it.

Michelle:

Amazing.

Michelle:

Michelle, thank you so much for being a woman in recovery

Michelle:

and being a mother in recovery.

Michelle:

Thank you.

Michelle:

And thank you as well for all that you do.

Michelle:

Thanks, mama.

Michelle:

May you find something light, something juicy and something so delicious.

Michelle:

It fills you up so you can be the best mother.

Michelle:

I know you can be until next time.

Next Episode All Episodes Previous Episode

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Connected Calm Life
Connected Calm Life
Creating A Life Of Calm

Listen for free

About your host

Profile picture for LANE KENNEDY

LANE KENNEDY

Hi Friend, my name is Lane Kennedy, I no longer drink alcohol, eat Snicker Bars, or try to be the best at everything, I no longer seek perfection, what a relief! I live in recovery, every day, 365 days a year, I don't slip up on the actions I need to take in order to stay sober, at least not yet. I'm a mom of an awesome neurodivergent eleven-year-old son, tea drinker, Irish Wolfhound lover, and an ex jack*ss!
Recover Like A Mother has been created with you in mind; it's taken me decades to fully own my sobriety in this ingenious way. My last drink was Dec. 31, 1996. Recovery is more than putting down the drink and doing a few rounds of a Twelve Step Program, yes that may be fine for some and is wonderful for many but for me, recovery is more. Giving up a drink or whatever the thing is that distracts or robs you of life is a true beginning. There is more to discover in continuous sobriety. Recovery is searching underneath, looking beyond the norm, answering questions we don't want to, finding new ways to connect with the deep inner resource that so many don't take the time for, or are simply confused with the how-tos on connecting with it these days. Recover Like A Mother is a holistic approach to finding quiet pockets of calm in your life, living a life without alcohol or drugs, finding continuous true contentment, being happy, lowering your cortisol, sleeping more deeply, reversing one's age, being a brilliant mom, and turning the inside reactive voice into a caring and kind Mother.
Recovery is everything to me, and I'm ready to share that with you, are you a Mother In Recovery too?